Man Seeks Surgery for 100-Pound Scrotum
What man doesn’t wish he had bigger balls? Perhaps one man from Las Vegas suffering from a condition resulting in the enlargement of his scrotum, now weighing in at 100 lbs. The man has difficulty with such simple tasks as getting dressed. He made a makeshift pedestal made from a pillow and milk crate to ease the pain his condition causes.
The 47-year-old traces his condition back to an incident in 2008. He rolled over in bed and struck his testicles with his leg, causing excruciating pain. The next morning his scrotum had swollen to the “size of a soccer ball.” Doctors who examined the scrotum found no trace of an infection which would have caused elephantiasis; so far all treatments have failed to shrink the scrotum.
The man has since been diagnosed with scrotal lymphedema, “a debilitating, massive swelling of the scrotum that results from lymph fluid and tissue buildup.” Doctors suggest that corrective surgery might leave the man without a penis or testicles. Doctors at the UCLA Medical Center say they could save his penis. That is, if the poor man can cough up a whopping $1M from his own pocket; his insurance won’t cover the out-of-state procedure.
In a desperate attempt to solicit funds, the man used a fake name and went on shock jock Howard Stern‘s radio show. He stated, “I don’t like being a freak, who would?” But I figured that the Stern show is listened to by millions of people and they might want to help me.” He hasn’t announced how much has been raised from email donations, but acknowledges it’s a start.
Police Try to Help Man with Crotch Cut
First stop: ER for crotch repair; next stop: jail… Cops responding to a domestic disturbance at an apartment in GA heard a man threaten to kill someone, only to beg for help seconds later. They found him lying in a pool of blood, nursing a huge cut to his scrotum. He had different stories about how he wound up on the floor bleeding from between his legs. (Oddly they didn’t question who he threatened to kill.)
The officers called for an ambulance and learned the man was wanted for a felony probation violation. When paramedics arrived, the man refused treatment. Instead he questioned, “Is this really necessary?” (Personally, if I had a gaping hole in my crotch that was NOT my related to existing orifices, I’d be slightly less contentious with emergency medical technicians…) Refusing to cooperate, an officer finally handcuffed him and took him to the hospital in the back of his patrol car.
Once in an examination room, the man proceeded to curse out female nurses so badly that the hospital assigned a male nurse to deal with him. He then spit in the face of another police officer. After his release he was charged with disorderly conduct, simple battery on a police officer (for spitting) and probation violation. The moral of the story is: If you’re already wanted for probation violations, don’t injure your crotch, curse out a nurse, and spit at a cop.
Woman Bites Neighbor’s Testicles
On a not-so-beautiful day in the neighborhood, a man had his scrotum brutally bitten by a female neighbor. The 41-year-old Nigerian victim was attacked by two men and two women during a fight over eviction notices. According to the victim’s wife, the building landlord served eviction notices to all tenants, alleging that they had lived there for 13 years without paying rent.
Led by a female tenant, the angered tenants gathered together, blaming the problem on the victim. The landlord’s representatives tried to tell tenants that the eviction was an independent decision and that the victim had also been given notice to vacate the residence. All were encouraged to live out the remaining days of tenancy in peace.
After the meeting, everyone went back to their rooms, except one woman who stood in front of the couple’s room, barking insults. She then jumped the pregnant wife and hit her with a wooden plank, fists and buckets. The husband ran to help his wife, but two men held him down and the violent woman bit off two layers of his scrotum. Describing the pain as unbearable (as one might imagine), the man is expected to receive surgery on the injury in the days to come. (NOT the days to cum obvious reasons…) Note to self: Don’t fuck with Nigerian women.
Let’s say your business deal goes bad. Do you: A. Drink yourself into an oblivion, B. Skip town, C. Start turning tricks, D. Remove your testicles via a broken bottle. If you’re a troubled African engine oil salesman, you chose D. The salesman had collected money from customers towards the purchase of engine oil and then turned the money over to a friend. His friend neglected to provide the oil, but kept the funds. Unable to handle the stress of the soured deal, the man became traumatized.
First he took a big stone, threw it up in the air and allowed it to fall on his head, which led to serious head injuries. Then he jumped into a well. Finally, he cut his testicles out of the scrotal sacs with a broken bottle and flung them out of site. Rushed to a local medical center, the man underwent a four hour surgical procedure to repair the damaged sperm ducts. Medical professionals treating the man stated that he would have have bled to death internally if he hadn’t received medical attention immediately. His scrotum was still swollen, having used an unsterile object to cut out the testes.
On the bright side, the man will still be able to have sex, but obviously won’t be able to procreate. Luckily he’s married with three children. It’s believed that he’ll now be facing charges for attempted suicide. (Good idea, Africa. That will cure him of depression for sure.) When questioned about his behavior, the man stated, “I just got fed up with life. I had no money again and I became frustrated. That led to my actions.” Naturally the first solution one would think up in this situation is removing your testicles and throwing them out of sight…
If your male parts are on the small side, you’re in a much better position than some. A man from Mumbai suffered from Filariasis of the genitalia, which forces the penis and testicles to assume an unusual size and shape. The 66-year-old lived in utter solitude and misery since his penis grew three times its size and his scrotum five. The physical changes created problems when the man even so much as walked down the street. He had confined himself to his home and repeated visits to his local hospital yielded minimal relief.
After a year of suffering, surgeons at Masina Hospital were able to restructure the unfortunate man’s valuables. Medical staff stated that after treatment for two weeks, the man’s scrotum shrunk considerably even before surgery. Doctors commented, “The challenge was to look for his organ, which was hidden under thick skin and mass”.
In the first of three operations, an opening was created to the urinary passage so the man could urinate normally. During the second procedure, doctors peeled off the thick skin that covered his genitals. About 80% of the thick skin was removed and the remainder was used to cover his penis. During the third surgery, doctors drained fluid from the scrotum, gave it a normal shape, and removed 90% of the scrotum skin. Even more miraculous, all of this was good news. The man was able to return home within a few weeks.
Testicle Enlargement: How and Why
Who can go a day without receiving scores of promotions for penis enlargement products? Even if you have no penis and are not in the market to buy one, you’re not likely to escape. But what if you want to enlarge your balls? You may be asking yourself, “Why would I want to do that?” While they seem to be the rather low hanging fruit of the genitalia realm, some men want this done to feel more… manly.
So you’ve decided to enlarge your testicles. Now what? Well you have a few options. Option #1 is the old scrotum pump; or you can get a penis pump big enough to accommodate all of your junk. Option #2 is to use weights which clamp around the scrotum above the testicles so that your balls appear bigger. For the long-term fix you, can opt for surgically placed scrotal implants, made from stainless steel, titanium, silicone, or other implant-grade material. While I’m not sure I’d be impressed with a larger set of testes, ‘balls of steel’ does have a certain ring to it…
Man Charged After Home Neutering Fail
Just in case you’re thinking of neutering your cat at home, don’t! A man now faces charges of animal cruelty after tying an elastic band around his cat’s testicles in an effort to fix his pet. He was initially charged after he took his black cat, Shadow, to a local animal hospital suffering from a serious infection.
The veterinarian reported that the cat’s scrotum was badly infected and the smell of rotting flesh was obvious. Though the cat’s testicles were intact, the skin and supporting muscle had died and rotted. The veterinarian continued that had the cat not been brought in, he would most likely have died.
In his defense, the man told the judge that he went along with the elastic-around-the-scrotum idea after a friend told him it was “an old farmer’s trick.” (PS, that’s why farmers aren’t veterinarians.) The man was on welfare at the time and could not afford to have the cat properly neutered at a clinic. This friend (some woman he’d known for less than four hours) reassured the man that the elastic band would not cause the cat pain and would force its testicles fall off in 30 days.
During the court proceedings, veterinary professionals testified that it’s true that elastic-band castration techniques are sometimes used with livestock like sheep and cattle. However, in those cases, special elastics are used that are very strong and exert extreme pressure on the connecting tissues, veins and tubes beneath the skin. Also, that has never been a technique as it relates to cats.
The prosecuting attorney stated that the man should known his way of neutering his pet would cause it pain and distress. (Seriously, I mean he has testicles too, right?) He went on to say, “It doesn’t take an expert to know that putting an elastic around your testicles hurts. Ignorance is not a legal defense.”
The cat’s infection was treated and he was properly neutered. He declined to comment on the recent unpleasantness.
