As a female, we have but two choices: and I don’t mean death or oongaboonga. You can shove a stick of cotton up there, hope there’s no overflow, and pull a warm gooey wad of blood out of yourself hours later, better known as a tampon.

Or you can place a would-be padded post it on your panties and glimpse the contents of your uterus leaking out every time you pee: the pad. Isn’t there a better solution? Not as of yet, but we just found out about a worse one: The Menstrual Cup.

The Menstrual Cup is a small silicone or latex container that holds about an ounce of period blood. You insert it into your vagina like a tampon and twice a day, you take it out and pour the blood into the toilet. Then rinse, vomit, and repeat.  Apparently some sick bitches love this technique, and I have to admit, they make a good case for why we should make the switch from tampons and pads.

 1. Money/Cash. The cup costs between $20-$40. Ladies spend that much in tampons and pads in a matter of months, but the cup can last for years.

2. Vaginally Green: Pads, tampons and plastic applicators satiate a landfill’s belly. Even Kermit knows it’s not easy being green, but this is a pretty simple way to give back to Muth Natche.

3. Hide the Crimson Tide: No need to worry about leakage or that ever-so-annoying little white string hanging seductively from your crotch. Added bonus: no risk of toxic shock syndrome.

Want to know more?  Check out this (somewhat disturbing) vid:

So you’ve decided to enlarge your testicles. Now what? Well you have a few options. Option #1 is the old scrotum pump; or you can get a penis pump big enough to accommodate all of your junk. Option #2 is to use weights which clamp around the scrotum above the testicles so that your balls appear bigger. For the long-term fix you, can opt for surgically placed scrotal implants, made from stainless steel, titanium, silicone, or other implant-grade material. While I’m not sure I’d be impressed with a larger set of testes, ‘balls of steel’ does have a certain ring to it…