A NY State of Mind: F*ck You
Lately I’ve been feeling like bitch slapping all of NYC across the face. I try to look the other way when people are rude, obnoxious, or just plain scary, but how long can one possibly ignore this behavior? When people are getting into altercations at every turn, it’s difficult not to get involved in the contention.
Now, there are obvious moments when there’s no choice but to hold back. For instance, as I sat in Bryant Square Park, minding my own business, embracing the Kenny Bloggins within, a (drunk) old man suddenly started screaming obscenities at someone for at least 5 minutes. Clearly there may have been danger involved should I have had the misfortune of not being able to keep my pie hole shut. Much to my surprise, I remained silent. I have not been so lucky on other occasions.
Last week I was delighted to have received a free ticket to Joe’s Pub to see jazz guitarist, Julian Lage. I was even more pleased when I arrived and was seated at a very comfy couch next to a very agreeable gentleman. The friend meeting 
me there was late, so I made pleasant chit chat with the gentleman next to me. No sooner had he excused himself to use the men’s room, when a belligerent jerkoffsky sat down in his place. I started to let the man know that someone was already sitting there, but he rudely cut me off and told me to tell the management. I then attempted to inform the new arrival that I didn’t even know the man that had been sitting there, when I was interrupted again by said fuckerman who again told me to take it up with management.
At this point, management came over to let me know that they had made an error by seating me there and wanted to move me to a horribly cramped table positioned in the most claustrophobic section in the venue. I was so irritated that I announced I was leaving and stood up to do so, but not before I turned to the intRUDEr and let him know, in no uncertain terms, that he was a complete and total asshole. Then I left in a 1978 huff. Does this happen so often in other parts of the world? “Can’t we all just get along“? So far it really doesn’t seem like it. I’m making a concerted effort to be a better person, but others have been making this excruciatingly difficult. “Dear Alex and Annie, what shall I do?”
$@bs
Back in the home skillet of NYC. My trip to Chicago was wonderfully quiet. I picked a hotel in the middle of nowhere so as to avoid people; I didn’t want to risk running into the paparazzi and all! Twas quite enjoyable getting away from the masses. There are far too many people here for my taste and in all honesty, I’m rather sick of ‘em all up in my snuffaluffagus everywhere I turn. Time for the Sabs to 23 skidoo? Perchance to dream…
On a completely unrelated topic, I’ve been increasingly interested in the Subway/Quiznos showdown. Who hasn’t suffered from the Subway’s $5 foot long jingle ear worm? Impossible to exterminate! 
Subway is the recognized leader in this market and Quiznos’ attempt to stake claim on a piece o’ that market share pie is a coy lil’ marketing campaign promoting their Toasty Torpedo, “12 inches of flavor” promised by a smoky-voiced toaster that asks a chef to “Put it in me.”
This is a little too close to when George Costanza tried to mix food and sex and “flew too close to the sun on wings of pastrami“, “combining food and sex into one disgusting uncontrollable urge”… Hotness.
$@bs
