Eel Crawls Up Fishmonger’s Ass
Ever get that ‘not-so-fresh’ feeling? It may be that a live eel is scrambling through your bung hole… A Chinese fishmonger suffered severe internal injuries after an eel crawled up his ass when he slipped and fell off the edge of a container housing hundreds of fish.
The 43-year-old stated, ”I guess they were scared when I suddenly landed in the tank so they started wriggling everywhere. Several shot up my trouser leg. And then to my horror I felt one go up my bottom.”
The man attempted to continue with his work, but was in too much pain to do so. Emergency medical professionals were contacted when he later collapsed. Doctors were able to remove the eel in a surgical procedure which lasted five hours. A spokesperson for the hospital noted that, “the eel was as wide as two fingers and as long as a man’s arm.” So, uh, hintedy, hint-hint.
If you’ve ever been hit in the nuts, you know this is no laughing matter. Heck, I know that and I don’t even have balls (anymore). But to many high school students, nothing beats a good game of ‘sack tap‘. One 14-year-old had to learn this the hard way after having his right testicle removed from a groin punch while walking to class.
The doctor treating the victim noted that as a result of the increasingly popular game (thank you, Youtube), he’s had to perform three to four surgeries a year on boys with ruptured testicles or problems resulting from groin punches. The doctor added that dozens more come in with less severe injuries ranging from high school to elementary school students.
The victim’s family plans to move to a different school district since this was not an isolated incident. They are currently looking into filing criminal charges against the other student.
It’s not the Oriental Pearl Cream they’ve been trying to trick you into believing all of these years that’s keeping Asian women looking so youthful. It’s the artificial hymen. The first method of creating an artificial hymen was known as a ‘hymenorrhaphy‘, a form of cosmetic surgery where the hymen tissue is pulled back together so it can be ‘re-popped.’ The problem with the procedure is that it basically costs an arm and a vagina.
Now many Chinese street vendors offer artificial hymens or ‘maidenheads’, which inflate inside the vagina and can then be ‘popped’ open with a penis. There are many artificial hymen kits on the market now, such as Night Red, Virtuous Girl Red, and Joan of ARC Red. Disappointingly enough, I haven’t been able to find a link where one may purchase these online. Personally, I think I’m too old to try this, but if I ever decide to become a born again virgin, it will come in handy.
The Curved Cock Conundrum
Not straight, (but not necessarily gay), the curved cock phenomenon is not at all uncommon. Most penises curve at least a little; they can even point down when erect (owie). According to medical professionals, the only problem with anything more than a 30-degree deviation is the possibility that it can limit the number of sexual positions comfortable for both partners. In that case there are procedures that can help straighten you out.
The treatment to straighten curvature is a surgery called plication. It actually sounds quite horrible and uses such disturbing language as “degloving the penis” and “pulling the skin down”, but essentially the procedure shortens the longer side of the penis so both sides match. Though many men feel self conscious of any curvature, from a woman’s perspective, curving in the right direction is not at all a bad thing. Sometimes the curve can result in easier access to just the right spot!
Designing Vaginas
Ok, I didn’t know that this was even possible, or that anyone would find it necessary, but apparently some women opt to have surgery just for the sake of a better looking vagina. Research teams studied various psychological and physical reasons a woman decides to under go this surgery and found that an aesthetically appealing sex organ was the most popular reason. Others cited difficulty in wearing tight clothes or riding a bike, while some women said that they are embarrassed in front of a sexual partner.
However, experts claim that most women undergoing this treatment aren’t properly educated about the procedure. Studies show that women who choose to have this operation, known as a Labioplasty, could have health problems later on since research hasn’t been done on the long-term effects. Research teams added that it is also possible that surgery can increase sexual problems by damaging the nerve supply to the area, leading to impaired sexual sensitivity and satisfaction (SO not worth the risk).
Man Kicked in Groin Loses Testicle
A man who does not want to be identified (for obvious reasons) is down one testicle after a brunette in her 20s kicked him in the balls with her high heel.
The attack appears to have been unprovoked and random.
Medical records indicate that the force of the kick pushed one of the victim´s testicles into his abdomen!
He then had to undergo surgery to repair the damage, when doctors discovered that the testicle had ruptured and were forced to remove it.
(Ok, even I felt that and I don’t even have any testicles… anymore.)
Authorities stated that three such attacks have been reported in recent weeks.
Police also believe that there may be others victims of this woman who have not reported the attacks and are investigating further (and covering their testicles while doing so).
A New Oasis for Penis Enlargement
Croatia is the new cheap destination for penis enlargements!
They cite the example of a young Irishman, who reports having his penis enlarged at a clinic in Zagreb, Croatia for 60 percent less than it would have cost in the United States. (What a deal!)
The lad was ready to pay almost $17K for the surgery in the States, but, thanks to the World Wide Web, he stumbled upon a Croatian clinic and got his desired results for less than $7K. (So, does he, like, have a girlfriend?)
