Man Caught Spankin’ It at Target
People, if you insist on jerking off in your car, please park in your own driveway. A man is now facing misdemeanor exposure charges after he was caught masturbating in a Target parking lot. The 63-year-old parked his silver Chevy close to the building and covered his junk with nothing but old newspaper when witnesses saw him jerking off.
He wasn’t wearing pants when police approached his vehicle and told the cops that he didn’t have any pants on because he was hot and that he’d just been relaxing in his car. (Yes, I think most would agree that masturbating is very relaxing.) A police search of the vehicle yielded several porn photos, a bag containing women’s under garments, a handful of long brown hair (ew) and a clear vessel that contained fluids (ewier).
Upon his arrest, police discovered that he had been charged with indecent conduct in ’69 (Coincidence? I think not) and with peeping in ’73. During his arrest, the man told police that his wife of 35 years was ill and he was unable to have with her. (Naturally, the next best thing was gratifying himself in a Target parking lot.)
Man Shakes Bare Ass at Women in Target
Police arrested a man after they received a complaint of indecent exposure from a shopper at a local Target. The woman alleged that a man followed her around the store, “exposing his buttocks” and shaking them like a polaroid picture. (Why the surveillance vid is not yet on Youtube is disappointing to say the least.) Another shopper had made a similar complaint at a second Target earlier in the day.
When an officer saw a man fitting the description given, they interviewed him at police headquarters and finally arrested him. The 33 year-old was booked into the Oklahoma County jail on the complaints, but has not been formally charged in the case.
Court records showed that he pleaded guilty in ’99 to two counts of indecent exposure from an incident in 1998. Pretty emBARE-ASSing. Ah? Ah? Ahhhhh…
A man from Cape Coral, FL, was arrested after allegedly engaging in sexual acts in his car with two blow up dolls; oh, and in a local shopping center parking lot. I had to wonder if he had just purchased the dolls and couldn’t wait to get them home. More like a man from Cape Oral-BOOYA!
The man was arrested on charges of trespassing and disturbing the peace after witnesses watched him have his way with the dolls; a large crowd had gathered around the man’s car. The manager of the shopping center stated that the man seemed to have intentionally parked in the first space in front of the shipping center so as to attract viewers. He had been asked repeatedly leave the parking lot several times in light of his behavior. (Between strokes?)
My earlier hypothesis proved incorrect when I read the officer’s statement that our horny hero told the officer he was at the shopping center buying clothes for his dolls at the nearby Target (kind of pointless if he was only going to disrobe them moments later). The officer went on to say that the man’s shorts contained a large hole in the front and were confiscated after the arrest. He was given a gown to wear while he was transported since he wasn’t wearing any undies. Police said he could face additional charges, however the dolls have declined pressing charges.
$@bs
