Man Tattoos ‘MINI’ On Penis to Win a Car
Think The Price is Right is the only way to win a new car? Not anymore! A German radio station recently held a contest asking listeners how far they would go to win a new Mini Cooper. The winning entry was from a 39-year old man who stated that he’d tattoo the word ‘mini‘ on his manhood to win the £20,000 vehicle.
As if the idea itself were not thoroughly entertaining enough, the ink-work was done live on-air so listeners could hear the play-by-play of the entire process. Despite his audible public, pubic agony, the winner said that he didn’t regret his decision, but rather stated that, “Once I’m sitting in the car, it won’t matter anymore. Then the pain will be gone and it’ll be alright.” But his penis is not so sure…
Next time your goofball friend offers to give you a free tattoo, don’t let him; especially when the two of you have been arguing. An amateur tattoo artist in Australia is now facing assault charges after applying a 40 cm penis on his friend’s back instead of a Yin/Yang and dragons, as requested.
A ‘peace offering’ following an argument the two had had, the art was accompanied by an ‘unspecified slogan‘ implying that the recipient is gay. (‘Unspecified slogan’ = ‘fag’?)
The young man went home to show off the new tat to his roommate, who responded with a resounding: ‘I don’t think it’s the tattoo you were after‘. The 21-year-old artist is due in court next month, charged with two counts of assault occasioning bodily harm.
The victim faces nine months of pain in order to have the tattoo removed by laser.. or else leaving the cock on his back to wither. (Note: Actual penis tattoo artwork not available.)
Vattoos are the New Vajazzles
If you’re still having Swarovski crystals glued to your puss, you’re way behind (in front). Now, all the va-rage is vattoos: temporary tattoos for your gyner. Select NYC spas have started offering women temporary vaginal tattoos; not temporary tattoos OF vaginas, but tattoos FOR vaginas.
The temporary tattoos last about five days and are applied with airbrushed ink. Clients can choose from designs including a flower, butterfly, sun, or calligraphy letters inked in a color of your choice.
You won’t find these babies in a Cracker Jack box, so better make an appointment. I’m thinking a ‘tear here‘ twattoo written in calligraphy would be perfect above my cooter…
Boy Bullied Into Poop Penis Tattoo
In my day, nerds were just shoved into lockers, dumpsters, and the like. Well the times, they are a changin‘. Four teens are now facing charges after forcing a disabled boy down and tattooing his ass with the word ‘poop dick’, adding an illustration of a penis beneath it. The 14-year-old victim was often ridiculed at school because he once wore a Spider Man baseball cap. Since then he was often the target of mockery, which led up to the recent unpleasant incident.
Once cornered at a private home nearby, the bullies threatened to bash him if he tried to escape and insisted that “he was going to get tattooed whether he liked it or not“. They also promised that he’d no longer be teased at school if he agreed to get tattooed. Police later raided the home at which the inking was done and found the tattooing equipment. The teens have been charged with assault, endangering the welfare of a minor and tattooing without a license.
Drunk Awakes to New Penis Tattoo
A man awoke after drinking an entire bottle of vodka to discover his leg newly tattooed with a six inch penis, complete with 4 testicles. (Only 6 inches? What a gyp.) The 27 year old from Sweden stated that the last thing he remembers about the evening was leaving his apartment.
Friends helped fill in the blanks and reported that after hitting a nightspot, the group headed to a local hamburger joint, where the man slurred that he would like to get himself a drunken tattoo.
Meanwhile, on the other side of the booth, a tattoo artist heard his wish and immediately expressed an interest in granting it, provided that he was given full creative control to express himself on the drunken man’s limb. Once sober, the man said he was initially worried what his mother would think, and that he “hadn’t bathed in public at all this summer”. (It would seem to me that the tattoo pales in comparison to public bathing, but whatevs.)
Starfaced Girl Admits to Lying
I can’t imagine who actually believed this Belgian girl’s story: she initially claimed that she asked a tattoo artist for 3 stars on her face, fell asleep, and woke up with 56 stars instead of the 3. Yea, having a needle in my face for hours always makes me sleepy too…
She went on to allege that the Flemish tattoo artist didn’t understand her French and English and discussed suing him to have laser surgery to remove the stars. It came as no surprise (to me) that the star spangled facial was, in fact, intended. The girl said she lied because her father was “furious” after seeing her face. (A-DUH!) The tattoo artist, Rouslan Toumaniantz, says he doesn’t resent the situation, but rather is pleased with the publicity it has brought him.
$@bs
