Naked Man on Mushrooms Hit By Train
A young man was arrested in connection with an incident during which he was running around naked and got hit by a slow-moving train. (As if being hit by a train wasn’t punishment enough.)
Authorities say that the 18-year-old suspect had eaten magic mushrooms prior to the incident. Police received a call on Saturday at 7:30 am by a woman who’d seen the man running around naked in the neighborhood, yelling to himself. The woman asked if the suspect was OK, to which he responded by screaming and cursing at the woman, who ran into her house and called police.
Police responding to the call met with several residents who had seen the naked display, but were unable to find the man. About a half hour later, police were notified that a train had struck a naked man in the area. The conductor reported that the train was traveling about 9 mph when he saw the man near the tracks. (Reminds me of this Austin Powers scene…)
The conductor then sounded the horn to warn the man, but the man got onto the tracks and walked directly toward the oncoming train. The conductor applied the brakes, but couldn’t stop before hitting the man, who disappeared from view following the contact. The conductor later discovered the man sitting under the third car of the train, but ran off before police and medical workers arrived.
The suspect was found a short time later and got into an altercation with police. He broke free after striking a deputy and ran into the woods screaming and cursing. The teenager was finally taken into custody, kicking and cursing the whole time, bleeding heavily and nursing a bad laceration on his forehead.
The suspect was taken to a local hospital, where he stayed until last night. He is being charged with indecent exposure, obstructing railroad operations, obstructing justice, trespassing on railroad property, being drunk in public (wait, mushrooms don’t make you drunk) and four counts of assault and battery on a police officer.
Failed Robber Eats Evidence: Banana ‘Gun’
“Is that a banana in your pocket or are you just trying to rob the store?” Authorities in Winston-Salem say a teen’s attempt to rob a store with a banana was thwarted before police could arrive. 17-year-old John Szwalla held the banana under his shirt as he entered the store, saying he had a gun and demanding money.
The store owner says he and a customer jumped the teen, detaining him until deputies arrived. While they waited, the teen ate the banana in order to confiscate the evidence. However, deputies had the foresight to take pictures of the banana peel. Witnesses have been able to identify the banana peel out of a line up of other fruit peels and the teen now faces a charge of attempted armed robbery. Jail officials say he doesn’t have an attorney, or a preferred produce vendor.
To Err is Human, To Fart is Divine
I still have the sense of humor of a 5 year old. I love doodie jokes and always laugh when someone farts. I laughed especially hard when I read about a student who was suspended because of ‘intentional’ farting. This guy should connect with the girl who was suspended for her Daniel Day Lewis impression; I think they have the makings of a sweet road show!
The Lakeland Ledger in FL reported that 15-year-old Jonathon Locked Jr. was suspended from Bill Duncan Opportunity School for what was described as ‘disruptive behavior’. School officials said that the teen repeatedly farted in class to make other children laugh. They said the smell also made it difficult to breathe. Locked’s father says the district went too far with its punishment and is appealing the decision. My question: how to prove intent on this one?
