May is National Masturbation Month
Funny, I thought every month was Masturbation Month, but May Day actually marks the first day of National Masturbation Month in the US. Most of the coverage for this holiday occurred back in ’92, on Seinfeld. Jerry and cast brought up the subject during the episode that George’s mom catches him spankin’ it.
This turned into a contest for who could go the longest without pleasuring themselves. Unable to say the actual word on primetime TV, the euphemism, “master of my domain,” was used. Not surprisingly, no one was able to win.
Masturbation got a month of its own when in 1995 Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders commented that masturbation is,“something that is part of human sexuality and a part of something that perhaps should be taught.” Word.
It has been said that “ninety-eight percent of us masturbate, and the other two percent are liars,” and with that I bid you a Happy Masturbation Month!
The Amazing Sperm Race
According to National Geographic, sperm is pretty friggin’ cool. At least, that’s what their new documentary “Sizing Up Sperm” seeks to depict. Premiering March 14th, the show will illustrate how every time a guy blows his load, millions of sperm fight in a battle of epic proportions to overcome competitors, armies of antibodies and spermicides in the quest for an eggy victory.
A twist on sex ed, the show brings ejaculation to life (pun intended) by using real people to portray each of the 250 million sperm emitted during male orgasm. Fertility experts walk the viewer through a visual journey from a sperm’s point of view, using “striking landscapes” (ok, that sounds a little scary) to show various phases of the process. Supposedly the testicle is represented by an oversized London skyscraper, so that seems promising… To view the full article, click here.
People Who Snore Always Fall Asleep First
My mother has this fan which sounds like my cat Pickle Sub chewing on a plastic bag: one the most annoying sounds known to plague the earth; particularly at 5 am. I woke up 
repeatedly the past couple of nights I’ve been staying with my mom, poised to throw a pillow at the feline perpetrator (obviously oceans away). It’s weird how I can sleep through most loud noises: the television, music, the Dominicans in my neighborhood drinking and playing dominos until 4 in the morning…
However, give me a quiet, small noise: the fan whirring, a clock ticking, the hum of an old computer, and it keeps me up for hours! My only defense is to make a head 
sandwich with a couple of pillows.
It’s only been very recent that I’m able to fall asleep with the TV on. I don’t have a TV in my bedroom, like most. A lot of people prefer the white noise during sleep; that’s why so many people fall asleep when the TV is on regardless of whether or not they are attempting sleep.
If you’re used to sleeping with the TV on, why wouldn’t you fall asleep at random while viewing? Many studies now link sleep problems to the presence of a television set in the bedroom and studies show that sleeping with the TV on results in fitful sleep from the outside stimulus. I can vouch for this: Once when I fell asleep with the TV on, I dreamt I was eating a giant marshmallow… I think I was watching Willy Wonka. When I woke up, my pillow was gone.
$@bs
