Penis-Enhancing Undies
Even if you haven’t stuffed with a sock, you pretty much get the gist. But that technique has mixed results, and, let’s face it, doesn’t do a thing for that flat ass. Marks and Spencer to the rescue!
This UK clothing company recently started manufacturing “frontal enhancement” (industry term: cock enlarging) underwear; guaranteed to make your dick look 38% bigger. M&S also offers butt-lifting undies made of “cool, odor resistant fabric” (industry term: skid-mark proof).
The line’s men’s underwear division rep stated, “Our technologists have worked hard to engineer two styles that are comfortable to wear and that give real results. These pants provide a real confidence boost for men and we think they will prove popular with our customers.”
Besides life imitating movies (does the name ‘White Goodman‘ mean anything to them), the fashion line hasn’t commented on the inevitable scores of ladies that will complain about the false advertisements they’re hawking. (I’ve already drafted a scathing letter to their customer service department…)
What’s more reassuring than seeing a boat flying a white flag while at sea? How about seeing a white flag with a flying penis? Two sergeants in the Swedish armed forces have been docked pay for painting a flying penis on a white flag and displaying it on their boat during a naval exercise.
During the exercise, the pair wore only blazers and underwear, (contrary to popular belief, NOT the official uniform of the Swedish armed forces). Whether their undergarments consisted of banana hammocks or tidy whities is unclear.
The Armed Forces Disciplinary Board deemed their behavior “unsafe, inappropriate and immature” and continued that their attire (or lack thereof) was considered a breach of security since they “had not adapted their clothing to existing water and temperature conditions“. The soldiers will be docked three days pay, but have been given three weeks to appeal the ruling. The flying penis flag, which was being held as evidence, was was stolen by local ass pirates shortly following the scandal.
Masked-urbator at Large
Police have arrested a man who they say has been involved in a case of voyeurism for the last two years.
Police believe that the suspect has frequented parks, pathways, trails, and other public places since 2007, wearing only underwear and a mask.
He then has “short encounters” with people or masturbates in close proximity to them (logically the next step; what exactly is defined as a ‘short encounter’, I wonder…)
The suspect was arrested yesterday in connection with the incidents and authorities seized a number of computers from the man’s residence to examine the contents.
The man is meant to appear in court today for a bail hearing. One thing is for sure, this is one f*cked superhero…
This just in: when you want to vandalize someone’s house, the best way to escape is NOT dousing yourself in Pepto-Bismol and leaving your clothes and ID at the scene of the crime. Police in Waterville, ME, arrested a man after he allegedly broke into and vandalized a home, leaving his pants, shirt, sneakers and wallet behind.
Authorities said that they received a call about a young man dressed in his underwear jumping on the hood of a Volkswagen car outside of where a local party was taking place.
Witnesses said the young man broke into a neighboring house before breaking the windshield of the VW outside. Police discovered that the man had also broken the front glass door of the home, overturned furniture in the house, and broke the back door. Before leaving, he removed and abandoned all of his clothing, except his underwear. Police found the man’s wallet and driver’s license in the pocket of his discarded pants at the vandalized house. The drunk 20-year-old was found back at the local party, covered with a pink substance believed to be Pepto-Bismol. He now faces charges of burglary, aggravated criminal mischief and possession of alcohol by a minor.
$@bs
