In a rusty start to end all rusty starts, a most unfortunate British bridegroom impaled his manhood during his wedding night. The man and his new wife were looking forward to an evening of newlywedded debauchery when the groom attempted to serenade his wife on stage and ended up impaling his penis on a rusty nail.
Blood immediately began pouring from his crotch and he screamed, ’My ball’s hanging off” only minutes before fainting. The young man was rushed to the emergency room where he received 17 stitches to repair the damage. The couple was able to consummate the marriage two days later.
Cow Seduces Man
Ever wonder why the cow isn’t holy in America? Maybe it’s because they
are evil, seducing temptresses…
An Indonesian man claims he was seduced by a cow into having sex with it. The 18-year-old young man was caught by his neighbor last week having sex with the cow and insists that he didn’t see a cow but a beautiful young woman. He claims, “she called my name and seduced me, so I had sex with her”.
The man was forced to marry the cow and then was bathed while the cow was drowned in the ocean. (I’m not sure which is worse, being forced into bovine marriage, or the fact that they killed his new wife during their honeymoon.) Sources actually documented that it remains unclear whether vows were exchanged before the cow was killed.
The bridegroom was fined 2,000 old coins; the traditional punishment, while the village chief paid the owner of the cow 5 million rupiah (about $545) as compensation (for the cow’s services?).
Boater Exposes Himself During Wedding
What could be more romantic than exchanging vows with your soul mate in the presence of loved ones? How about throwing some random stranger’s cock into the mix? One southern couple got a surprise wedding gift when a man exposed himself from a boat during their wedding ceremony.
The 26-year-old man was boating down Shem Creek during the wedding when he pulled down his swimming trunks down and showed his cock to the entire wedding party and guests as he sailed along the creek. The entire guest list along with other people on the boat screamed at the man not to expose himself, but it was too late.
The bride’s father stated that he had just walked his daughter down the aisle when they noticed the man dropping his pants. The flasher stated that the mere fact there was a wedding in progress gave him the motivation to expose himself. He’s been charged with indecent exposure with bail set at $10,000.
Geeky is the New Cool
Last night I sat on my sofa watching the livestream of someone’s wedding. They weren’t even doing anything interesting at the time, it was just the cocktail hour and I couldn’t see what they were eating. I mostly had it on in the background while I was surfing for hours with the TV on, as per uj (usual). I started thinking to myself, “Hm, all alone on a Friday night again with the two screens in my life: my HDTV and my Mac. Have I lost my mojo?” I pondered whether my virtual life was taking over my real life. “Certain circumstances have forced me to consider the possibility…”
I thought about what I might do instead of spending another night consuming media in every form imaginable; my passion! I could have gone out, but Friday night is SO annoying in NYC with bridge and tunnel crowds flooding in from all sides. I also lacked the energy to call around trying to make plans, and anyway I wanted to see if the wedding party would be moving to another room for dinner and dancing.
I never made it that long since I didn’t really care that 
much. I realized that I’m so much more turned on at home devouring media at rapid speeds than stuffed into some crowded bar filled with pretentious people, showing as much cleavage as possible to avoid waiting 15 minutes to get a drink. I’m pretty content with my decision; human interaction involving alcohol is often enough overrated…
$@bs
