The 5 Mornings After Pill
Good news if you’re too dumb to wear a condom and too lazy to head straight to your local pharmacy for Plan B. The FDA recently approved a new pill, Ella, intended for women who’ve engaged in unprotected sex or in case of contraception fail. Unlike Plan B, which must be taken right away, the new pill can be taken up to 5 days after intercourse. Studies found that the pill was not as effective in women with a body mass index over 30. A panel discussed and voted against warning obese women of this on the product’s label. (I want to know who is having sex with women that have a body mass index over 30 at all…)
How do you motivate a bunch of bad-ass underage punks to go over to The Good side? Why, an orgy, of course! A juvenile detention facility outside of Albany is under investigation for rewarding good behavior for inmates with a sex orgy, according to one former employee of the center.
The issue was brought to light when the employee came forward after he was asked to pick up a 15-year-old girl and her friend and to bring them to the facility to attend a dance. The girls had been requested by two inmates who evidently had never met either of them, but had gotten their names from another (teen) inmate. The two girls are now believed to be prostitutes.
The dance was immediately brought to a halt when the guard manning the surveillance cameras raised the alarm he saw, “… a girl getting her pants pulled down. I saw her red g-string panties almost being pulled off”. Authorities commented that an investigation in the juvenile detention center is on-going. The red g-string refused to comment and remains at large.
2010 Masturbate-a-Thon Dates Announced
Just when you thought your self-pleasing talents would get you nowhere, the Masturbate-a-thon charity fundraiser has announced the dates for this year’s event(s). During the event, participants commit to masturbating (in private) on a select day, and ask friends, family, work colleagues, to pledge them per minute. The longer they lasted, the more they raise.
This year two groups are championing the event, celebrating 10th years of Masturbate-a-thons. Portland, OR’s, Darklady event will be held June 12th, with proceeds going to Esther’s Pantry, the Woodhull Freedom Foundation, and the Free Speech Alliance.
The 2nd group participating will be San Francisco’s Center for Sex & Culture, proudly touting that theirs is” the only event to stream live online” (insert joke here). This event takes place May 30th and all proceeds will go to programming and administrative costs.
If you’re not lucky enough to live in either of the two areas, why not start practicing up for next year (like you hadn’t already…)?
Ordinarily I’d say stories like these make me glad to live in NYC. But, since same-sex marriage is still illegal in NY State, well, I guess shit’s tough all over; particularly in one Mississippi school district stuck in the middle of the mickey fickey Bible Belt. Their prom scheduled for spring was cancelled after a lesbian student requested to attend with her girlfriend; and wear a tuxedo.
The student, an 18-year-old high school senior pictured here, said the prom cancellation was in retaliation for her efforts since the school’s policy requires that prom dates be of the opposite sex. The ACLU of Mississippi argued that banning same-sex prom dates violates constitutional rights. But instead of acquiescing to the student’s legal rights, the school board announced it wouldn’t host the event at all (because no event is better than one filled with those pesky gays).
To read the full article, click here.
The Amazing Sperm Race
According to National Geographic, sperm is pretty friggin’ cool. At least, that’s what their new documentary “Sizing Up Sperm” seeks to depict. Premiering March 14th, the show will illustrate how every time a guy blows his load, millions of sperm fight in a battle of epic proportions to overcome competitors, armies of antibodies and spermicides in the quest for an eggy victory.
A twist on sex ed, the show brings ejaculation to life (pun intended) by using real people to portray each of the 250 million sperm emitted during male orgasm. Fertility experts walk the viewer through a visual journey from a sperm’s point of view, using “striking landscapes” (ok, that sounds a little scary) to show various phases of the process. Supposedly the testicle is represented by an oversized London skyscraper, so that seems promising… To view the full article, click here.
The Menifee Union School District in California recently pulled all copies of Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary from their shelves and is investigating what they consider “age-inappropriate” words. The controversy began when a student thumbing through ”oralism” and “orang” in the dictionary, found the recent entry “oral sex“. A parent complained to the school district after the child read the definition: “oral stimulation of the genitals.” (And how).
The school district is now forming a committee composed of principals, teachers and parents to determine whether the 470,000 entries are suitable for children. Free speech advocates (and sane people), worry that this is “needless and harmful censorship”. Seriously, why don’t you take a look at the Bible and let me know if the stories of rape, pillage, murder and the like are suitable for children? Or for that matter, check out one of any classically gruesome Brothers Grimm Fairy Tales.
The Executive Director of the California First Amendment Coalition stated, “If a public school were to remove every book because it contains one word deemed objectionable to some parent, then there would be no books at all in our public libraries. I think common sense seems to be lacking in this school.” Obvi. The school district might settle for trading the collegiate editions for Merriam-Webster’s Children’s Dictionary. (I’m sure the pictures are lovely.)
To read the complete article, click here.
A naked man vandalized the ‘Welcome to Las Vegas’ sign while a local news crew shot the entire thing live while covering another story nearby.
Wearing nothing but a barrel and a Santa hat, a man took red and black paint and splashed it against the famous sign in protest of having recently lost his job recently and all his gambling winnings too.
(How exactly he blames the Nevada city for his troubles, I’m not sure. Also unclear as to why this had to be done in the nude, though I’m sure alcohol was involved.)
The man is now facing charges for defacing public property, but is now acutely aware that what happens in Vegas is sometimes televised nationally.
Sexomniac Starts Support Site
One woman suffers from a weird disorder which turns her into a sex addict, but only when she’s sleeping. The disorder, known as sexsomnia, compels her to engage in sexual acts and touch herself while sleeping — but she remembers nothing the next day. (Not exactly sure how this is a problem yet – so far sounds like a good night of drinking.)
The condition is so rare that at first she struggled to convince anyone she had no control over it. She first discovered the disorder in 1999 when her ex boyfriend confronted her. She stated that: “Out of the blue one evening he asked me why I played with myself at night”. (You think he’d me more concerned if she didn’t play with herself at night.)
The woman sought help from numerous doctors and psychologists who were not able to help her since they had never heard of her condition. Doctors offered her muscle relaxers (naturally), but she didn’t want to spend the rest of her life on medication. So she set up her own website six years ago after doctors failed to work out what was wrong.
Don’t get too excited, it’s not that kind of site (too bad cuz she could have been turning lemons into million dollar lemonade). Instead she created a support site to find others who suffer from the condition. She further commented that “There are no official figures on how many people suffer from sexsomnia but I’ve spoken to hundreds of men and women from all walks of life with the same condition.” I smell a dating web site for sexomniacs not far off…
Teacher Fired for Drawing Phallic Florida
Seems like teachers everywhere are causing controversy. After reading the story discussed in yesterday’s post, it was clear why the homework raised eyebrows all over. However, the incident in question today is no less than retardo (it’s an industry term).
A middle school teacher was fired after drawing a map of the United States which featured Florida as a fat, penis-shaped state (which it is). He then made a remark about the state being excited. Apparently that was enough to get him canned. The district fired him for the comment, insisting he created a sexually hostile environment. (Exactly what was he doing with the lewd drawing of the state?)
To no surprise the students rallied on Facebook, starting a page to support their teacher. They’ve also started a petition to dump the school’s principal, superintendent and cabinet. The teacher has stated that he’ll be appeal his firing (not to mention refraining from drawing state maps freehand).
Judge Jerks Off During Mediation
A district court judge is accused of using inappropriate language and appeared to be masturbating while mediating a divorce settlement. (How does one only ‘appear’ to be masturbating?) One of the lawyers present alleges that the judge’s actions were so offensive that even her client’s estranged husband complained about it during the trial. Moreover, the woman involved in the case continued that the judge attempted to discuss her undergarments and her sex life, though neither was relevant to the case.
After the woman filed a complaint about his behavior, the judge launched his own investigation into her private life and used his power to influence the divorce proceedings. She also states that he also had court personnel write false documents to the commission attacking her and insisting the judge did nothing wrong.
As a result of judge’s actions, the woman claims that she suffered loss of income, reputation, inconvenience, insult, mental distress, embarrassment, humiliation, anxiety, emotional pain and suffering. She is now seeking punitive damages. I always wondered what went on behind closed robes…
